K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize