i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
third nipple confirmed
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
