Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
