for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
