i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
