if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
