How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
