if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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