I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Please don't give away my fajitas
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