i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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