so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
