If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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