So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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