Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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