my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
