I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
