then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
