Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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