i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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