Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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