Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So much rum. So many feels.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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