ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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