He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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