oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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