Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
