this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
