so that wasnt chicken after all
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
