I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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