She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize