wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
