mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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