Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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