worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
