Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize