I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
