I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
