I CAN MOONWALK!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So squirting runs in the family.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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