this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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