hotel room ftw
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
