Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize