Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
