You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
