I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
