All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
