so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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