I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
