ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
