i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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