i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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