My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize