Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
