my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
PANTIES FOUND
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