YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize