I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
