I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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