a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
