just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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