I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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