Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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