Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
