My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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