I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
