allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
