So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
