i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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