My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
