I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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