So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Randomize
