i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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