Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
