Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
