Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
