She said her name was "party"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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