so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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