I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
