paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
