Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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