matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
