Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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